5 Things no Corper Should Spend Their Allawee on

Since my undergrad days when I went days without even #5 to use and buy pure water (because the water the school provided was liquid disease), I haven’t had a day as frustrating as today. Two reasons. Let me tell you.

Firstly, today is my CDS day, the only day I am permitted by law to not be present at my place of primary assignment, because I should be at my CDS thinking of ways to develop the community, but I did not go because I didn’t have #50 to take bike to the secretariat. I say #50 because if I’d been able to go, I’d have gotten the one to go back home with from friends.
I. Am. Broke!

Image from buzzfeed.com

Secondly, my period started yesterday and I don’t have money to buy sanitary pads, so I have to use tissue. It’s gross and very uncomfortable. I cannot go anywhere in this condition except if I’m ready for the embarrassment of my life and, no, I am not.

Image from tenor.com

If you are tempted to ask me what I used my allawee for, don’t. Don’t allow yourself to be unfortunate this today like this. But I’ll say this again, that thing they give us vanishes like blood money! You know how those people that do blood money are always given an ultimatum? That’s how allawee behaves, like, if you don’t finish the money in one week, your kidney will rot 🙄. If I had not followed the tips in this post, I would have starved to death by now. E tire me!

I spent the whole of February in absolute lack. Let’s not bore ourselves with the details. So permit me to just go ahead and list a few things that one should, as a corper, never spend allawee on.

Never spend your allawee on wedding aso ebi.
I was made Maid of Honour in a friend’s wedding coming up by month end. It came as a surprise to me, because obviously I wasn’t her first choice. I had to pay for the clothes I’ll put on, a staggering #9,200 is what I had to kiss goodbye and where else but my allawee did it come from?

I am sha not bothered. Because this means I’m not permitted to miss food or souvenir in that wedding, and the chicken on my plate would have to be an overweight one. I’m also taking a whole bottle of wine and a large chunk of cake.

Image from makingmemorieswithyourkids.com

Never spend more than 3k on data per month.
The day you exceed 3k, you lose every ability to control yourself and not spend even more money on annoying funny videos and tempting cute videos of babies playing with puppies. Just FLEE!

Never allow yourself to fall for your stomach’s insatiable appetite for shawarma and suya. Never
I won’t say more than that.

Never spend your allawee on expensive accessories
In my desperate situation, I had to ask other corps members I know what they think they should never have spent their allawee on. One guy told me how he had once bought a pair of luxury shoes with his allowance. I was shook. Like, how do you wake up and decide to spend a whole, fat #19,800 on shoes? Shoes? Even though he said he regretted it, I was so mad when he said this. I haven’t even spoken to him since then. I’m beefing him in arrears.
See, I’m not saying that you should not invest some of your allawee into looking good. But come on! Don’t be extravagant na. Remember people like me and help our ministry 🙄. Please.

Never spend your allawee on another corps member
No, I’m not being greedy, just reasonable. Like, wait, isn’t it the same #19,800 we are collecting again? Why should I spend mine on you? No, seriously, why? WHY?

Image from giphy.com

Guys suffer this the most. But what is my own? They see it as good investment.

Image from recapathon.com

Hopefully sha, allawee should come today or tomorrow, since corpers in other banks have received theirs. But in this condition, the last thing I want to hear is how our money was swallowed by a soldier ant. I will just kill somebody.

Have you ever been this broke? Lol… I’d like to hear all about it in the comments section, please.