4.5 Lessons from 4.5 Exes

To be honest, ‘four’ is not the right number, and neither is four and half but it is closer to the truth.

The end of every relationship comes with, most of the time, a lot of hurt and pain, so much that all we can feel at the point is only the unpleasantness of the pain. And pain is powerful. When given the opportunity, it can cloud our senses so much that all we are capable of feeling where the ex is concerned is hate.

The only remedy to this is time. With time, your senses are revived by the healing of the heart and your ability to see things differently is awakened. You are now able to appreciate the beauty that your short (or long) time together created. You frown at the bad memories, blow the walls at the really ugly ones and revisit every good scene with a smile on your face and a lesson learned.

My relationships have been very unconventional, to say the least, but I have learned a lot from them.

1. Patrick

Fresh out of secondary school, I decided it was time to have a boyfriend. I had finally arrived! Our ride lasted about 8 months and it was beautiful, if you leave out the fact that I was in Abuja and he was in Edo State. Soon, the distance, and his own negligence, told on us.

I learned the hard lesson that out of sight is out of mind and that at that age, I was really supposed to have no business being in a relationship.

For the record though, I left with my heart intact. I can’t say the same for him!

2. Larry

I met Larry in my first year of university, in my first week of university… I was still going around for registration. He happened to be in the cafe I was in, trying to access the portal so that I could register my courses. For the next few years, he was the one, with lots of breaks in between. I still catch feelings when I remember him, but I’m over him. I promise! As I type this, I just received a text from him. I guess his case is one of those old habits die hard sort of thing.

Being with Larry of and on for over two years and the way it seemed like we were a fit made in heaven, and then realizing that we can only remain a wish opened my eyes to the uncertainties that life is characterized by. The many things that make us wish that wishes were horses are the things that are most desirable but unreachable.

You guessed right, I did the breaking up, but this time, my heart felt it too.

3. David

You remember when 2go used to be Facebook? That was when David and I met, in one of those poetry rooms, when Larry and I were on one of those long breaks. Soon, we moved our ministry to WhatsApp and finally Facebook. We talked for hours on the phone. He had just finished school and was looking for a job. Moved by his ‘love’ for me, he relocated to Abuja from Lagos. Looking at it now, that relationship was a disaster and memories of it make me laugh. We didn’t last up to Six months.

Here, I learned that deception is the best way to kill, but love is faster.

He broke this one up. But I begged till we made up, then I did the breaking up. His pleas fell on deaf ears. Two can be mean together!

4. Timothy

He practically chased me non-stop for nine months, then I fell hopelessly in love with him and then he took my heart, played tinini tanana with it and when he was done, he threw it into his freezer. In its frozen state, he brought a hammer and hit it a thousand times till it bled. He married his ex. That was when I found out I was the side chic all along. He still calls, claims that he made a mistake and says he’ll name his daughter after me. I only smile.

I learned love can be your greatest strength and be your biggest weakness too. And, never ignore the warning signs you see in your partner. Never!

This one shattered my heart. I cried for weeks!

5. Dave (this is the 0.5)

This one was half a boyfriend and is the last ex on the list. Two months is how long we lasted together. We met on WhatsApp. My brother had given me a phone he had used for a while. Dave’s number happened to be in there and soon we were talking. It was good while it lasted, he would write me poems and send me lines to inspire my songs. We talked so well and had hearts for the arts. It was amazing. When I realized it wasn’t going anywhere, I broke it up. This time, he pleaded till I agreed to get back, then he broke up with me. I didn’t have any right to be angry, if anything it made me laugh thinking how the other David must have felt.

I learned, in this relationship, to stay away from people called David and that even though a handsome face isn’t all that matters to make a relationship great, it is a necessity!

Currently dating: an amazing guy who is the most annoying when he wants to be. This relationship is the longest I have ever had at over one year now, without any short or long breaks. It’s amazing!

What I would really love to know is what these exes learned from their relationship with me. I can’t even begin to imagine!