I attended a wedding on Saturday

I attended a wedding on Saturday. It was what you might call a society wedding. Looking at pictures from that wedding, you would think they were culled from Bella Naija: the bride’s wedding gown was simple but sophisticated. It ran over her body like she was born in it! The groom had on an amazing shade of maroon mixed with black. It was just so unique.

The reception was held in an open field because they knew the kind of crowd they were expecting. I doubt there is a hall around here that would have contained that number of people. The canopies were decorated with ribbons of pretty colours of the day, with round tables and white table cloths and many, many amebos!

Yes, amebo people were everywhere, including me. But I was one of the good amebo persons. Let me explain.

Right after the bride and groom had danced into the venue, two people on my table began to talk. The one went on and on about how people in the groom’s family were already complaining about the attitude of the bride. She narrated how they had once seen her in the kitchen slicing onions which she held the way you hold a smelly handkerchief.

“Onions wey we dey hold well cut am like say na meat. See my hands now, ” she said pointing with her first finger the knife cuts on her palm.

The other affirmed it, saying that it was said that she even found it hard to greet some of her in-laws.

I was amazed. They had not even allowed the woman settle into her new home, they were already spreading rumours and taking sides.

A while later, when the program had fully begun and the air was filled with those high pitched wedding cries and dancing, they started again. This time, it was one lady who was just walking into the place, heading towards our canopy. She was wearing a sleeveless black, flowing gown and accessories (an elegant necklace, layered scarf and a small hand bag) designed with the Ankara material that was the general aso ebi, which I was also putting on. Their beef with her was the sleeveless gown she was wearing that exposed her chest and shoulders.

“See as she dey waka like say her breasts go fall comot,” they were saying this time.

I was irritated. It was just so annoying, I guess my head exploded.

“The thing fine,” I heard myself say. “It’s just that this environment no dey gree this kind dressing for wedding if not, the thing fine!”

Because really it was beautiful and creative.

I do not understand why people find it difficult to just mind their businesses. It’s almost like they will die if they do. Nigerians sha….

Anyway, I have made up my mind. On my wedding day, I’m going to install tiny recorders under every table. After the wedding I’ll settle down and listen to all the amebo people did on my wedding day then I’ll know who to look at with three eyes.